Manipulation: How to spot it before it breaks you
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Manipulation is something that touches all of us, often in ways we don’t even notice. Not the obvious kind of manipulation, like a person bossing you around. It’s the kind that slowly erodes your self-esteem, makes you question your reality and leaves you feeling drained without knowing why.
This type of manipulation is everywhere and It’s not always easy to spot. When you do, it can completely change the way you see the world and yourself.
That’s why understanding the signs of manipulation is so important. When you recognise it, you can protect yourself and set clear boundaries.
Manipulation can exist on the spectrum
Manipulation isn’t always bad, it can exist on the spectrum.
For example, you might persuade your kids to clean their room by offering a reward – that’s technically manipulation, but it’s not harmful. Or maybe you inspire your team to hit a big deadline by rallying their energy and focus. This kind of influence can actually create a great outcome for everyone involved.
But then there’s the other end of the spectrum.
This is where things get a bit tricky– the kind of manipulation where someone intentionally, consistently, and selfishly uses manipulation to get hurt others with intent. It’s about control.
These are the master manipulators.
How to recognise a master manipulator
A master manipulator is someone who has honed manipulation into an art form. They’re not making the occasional guilt trip or mistake. They deliberately twist situations, use your vulnerabilities against you and make you doubt yourself.
The worst part? They’re tactics can be so subtle that you may not realise it’s happening until you’re already deeply affected.
Manipulation can creep in:
In new relationships, when the other person is trying to quickly gain control or dependency.
Over time, where small tactics build up and where someone uses fear, guilt, or shame to keep you compliant.
Because it’s subtle and can even feel “normal,” it’s easy to miss the red flags or warning signs.
Why manipulation is damaging
The effects of manipulation go far beyond the immediate situation.
You begin to doubt your own instincts and sometimes reality.
You feel like you’re walking on eggshells, constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing.
You lose self-esteem and stop trusting yourself.
Over time, you feel stressed which can often lead to feelings of anxiety, depression and even physical illness.
We all crave safe and loving relationships. But when you’re in a relationship with a manipulator, it’s the exact opposite. You feel insecure, isolated and disconnected – and that’s exactly what makes the manipulation so powerful.
Signs of manipulation
Here are some of the most common manipulation tactics:
Gaslighting: making you question your reality.
Emotional blackmail: using fear, guilt or even your own love against you.
Triangulation: bringing a third person into the conflict to create confusion or jealousy.
Love bombing: overwhelming you with attention and gifts at the start of a relationship.
Playing the victim: turning everything around so you feel guilty and responsible for their feelings.
Guilt trips: reminding you of sacrifices they’ve made to control your actions.
Isolation: cutting you off from family and friends to gain control.
Moving the goalpost: changing the rules so you can never meet expectations.
Blame shifting: blaming you for their actions.
Hoovering: trying to pull you back in with promises that they will change.
Do any of these sound familiar?
Want to go deeper?
This blog gives you the what, when, and why of master manipulation. But how to set boundaries, how to heal, how to respond when a manipulator is in front of you – that’s where the real transformation begins.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck, doubting yourself, and living in fear of someone else’s behaviour, my 1:1 coaching program is for you.
In our sessions, we’ll work together to:
Break the cycle of manipulation once and for all.
Rebuild your self-worth and reconnect to your true self.
Learn powerful techniques to protect your energy and set strong boundaries.
Create a life that feels free, grounded, and full of authentic connection.
You don’t have to do this alone – and you don’t have to stay in pain.
✨ Click here to apply for coaching (or visit akwahaura.com/coaching). Spots are limited because I work closely with each client, so if you’re ready, don’t wait.
You are worthy of respect, love, and happiness. You are allowed to live a life free from control and fear. And I’d be honoured to help you get there.
✨ Never let anyone dim your light.
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